Why Can’t I Find My Perfect Partner?
You are doing everything possible to find that perfect someone, but they just don’t seem to be there.
Does this feel like You?
Starting to think that special someone just isn’t there for you, well they are, you just don’t realise you’re looking in the wrong places.
What you are looking for is that ideal partner you have invented in your mind, the perfect someone that weighs up in every way possible. The perfect someone that society finds fits. What I am asking you is this : Is this really the ideal partner for you?
Do you really know what would make you happy? or are you looking at this in a way that is not healthy for you in achieving your outcome.
You are probably thinking to yourself about now,
I know what I want,
I know what my ideal partner would have to bring to a relationship,
I know everything there is to know about my ideal partner“.
I would say you are perfectly right. You invented the check list for that ideal partner, all I am saying is when you wrote that check list, what did you base that check list on?
If you are asking yourself who am I to know what’s best for you, I can tell you I don’t know what’s best for you, but what I can tell you is, I have been happily married for 27 years and why? because I realised that checklist I made for myself was wrong, that’s why I had so many failed relationships. I am just sharing my experience.
I have watched many of my friends and people I know leave their partners or marriage for what they say is greener grass, they all say the same thing.
My partner doesn’t understand me,
my partner never has time for me,
my partner this and my partner that.
Where in this relationship do you ever take responsibility in saying how well do I communicate to my partner?
How honest am I, can I talk to my partner but most important are they what I consider my best friend?
Friendship is the Foundation upon which to build a Partnership.
My mother had a great saying “In life you have to give more than what you get” she said if you adopt that attitude in life then things will always have a way of sorting themselves out. Took me many years to fully understand and comprehend the truth in that statement, but I can honestly say I understand it totally and it’s not quite how it sounds. The fact is if you give, you get back!
The biggest problem I see today is this idealistic belief system that people have.
Perfection is not possible, all relationships have their ups and downs it’s part of what makes us human beings and also what makes relationships exciting. The secret needed to get over the hilly times when they appear, (And they will appear for everyone) is friendship.
When I got married I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to find someone like my husband, but believe it or not he was the opposite to what I had said was my perfect match. Like you I had this idea of what I wanted, what my perfect partner would have to bring to the relationship, but all the men I did go out with were not making me happy. When I meet my husband I realised that what was more important then anything else was FRIENDSHIP, THAT’S THE SECRET FOLKS, Friendship.
Love is a strange emotion and I want to make very clear that Love and Friendship are Different emotions.
I was in love with a few of the men I dated, they were everything I had envisioned in my head that would make me happy, but they were my lovers not my friend, there is such a big difference. Think of it like this. If you are going out with someone, would you choose them as a friend rather than a lover, sound crazy folks well it is, really stop and think about this, is this person you are dating a compassionate, loyal, trustworthy friend?
Are they there for you to talk about absolutely anything honestly without judgement or taking things personally, you need to give this one some serious thought.
Here is an example of Divorce Statistics. You can go anywhere on the net to find this information. People are getting married these days at a later age than they used to. Perhaps people are finding it harder to find their perfect partner or perhaps people are realising that life experience and maturity brings about a different perspective in choosing a partner.
My husband and I were good friends for about 5 years before we got married. He dated and I dated, and we were both looking I suppose for that special somebody, our ideal partner.
We spent more and more time together because we found that both our partners were hard to communicate with, and for us it seemed so easy.
Often we would get together, go for a drive, head to the beach just hanging out, laughing and just have fun, no ties, no relationship just friends.
We had our partners or Lovers you could say, but something always drew us together, was it that easy honest conversation?
We both valued this communication in our friendship, but it always stopped there. Our friendship was solid, honest and SAFE. I didn’t have to impress, wear makeup, dress up, I could pick my nose and fart, and it didn’t matter because he was my best friend, that’s what best friends do they accept one another unconditionally.
How many partnerships are based on this unconditional love?
This great friend of mine had gone overseas for a bit and had just come back, he was talking about heading off again. My mother pointed out to me one day, “what are you going to do without your best friend” I looked at her oddly and asked what did she mean. She said “He’s your best friend, and he might never come back, how does that make you feel?” with those words I stood, shocked, my heart beating I was deeply upset at the fact that I may never see him again.
I sat and thought about what my mother had just said “He’s your best friend, and he might never come back, how does that make you feel?”
I didn’t quite know what I was feeling, he was my best friend, we shared everything. I wanted him in my life forever…… if he left it would be so empty, I suddenly without thought realised that I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life, did this mean I loved him? My best friend? Yes it did.
We have been married 27 years and I still feel the same as the day we got married.
We have sailed over the roughest seas and climbed huge huddles, but we did it together firstly as friends. Why have we lasted and seen many of our friends end in divorce? One thing folks friendship.
When things fall apart in your loving relationship, (and they do have their moments) when most couples are throwing plates and saying screw you, Chris and I have a solid foundation to stand upon, we have our friendship.
This is the most important factor that has kept our marriage honest, loyal and strong. We actually like each other.
If you don’t LIKE who you are with, and you don’t have a solid friendship to help you through the rough times and there are plenty of rough times, than it makes for difficult sailing.
You need to be able to step back from your love for one another and truly be able to look at yourself and your partner with honest eyes. Are you a good friend?
Are you a loyal lover?
Are you a true partner?
Many people have often said to me “You are so lucky to have such a good marriage” they make it sound like I won a lottery, or I got the pick of the litter, the one good man left on the planet.
The honest truth is Chris and I have worked hard to keep our marriage what it is, we are always in discussion, we don’t sweat the small things and are always working at the future.
Why Can’t I Find My Perfect Partner? Folks Friendship is the key, not your ideal interpretation of what your partner should add up to.
Perfection is Two Imperfect People.
If you build a friendship (a real honest, true, loyal, unconditional friendship and I know you all have them) that friendship will take you across the Sahara desert, because above anything else you like each other. If you like someone, you value their contribution of conversation, you will never be lost for words.
I am sharing this with you, simply as a friend.
Friendship is the most pure form of loving, please consider this when next time you ask yourself Why Can’t I Find That Perfect Partner?
There is no perfect partner, only compromising friends.