When Racism Hits Home...You Are Still A Bully
What you are reading is something my family went through some years ago, it is out of my journal when my daughter was 16 years old.
I have always written, it’s my way of collecting my thoughts through time, it helps me to assimilate information and helps me sees things clearly.
I read this and felt that it was a topic that needed talking about.
I want to tell this story so parents can keep their children safe.
Stop racism and bullying.
We think Racism does not happen too much any more, we think we are a multicultural world, well that’s just crap, you have only to turn on the news for that truth, or walk out your door.
What can we do about Racism?
Is NZ a Racist Country?
To fear the colour of your skin.
It still sickens me to think of the fear I witnessed in my daughter’s eyes, the pale face, the trembling body, I hated those people for what they were doing to my daughter.
It was early morning my daughter was in her 4th year at college, she was 16 years old, my hands were shaking as I reached over to hug her.
The telephone call came to my work to come collect my daughter from school as she had encountered some harassment and bulling by some of the other school pupils.
My daughter had some months earlier, been the victim of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Her and four of her friends were attacked by 13 other teenagers (mostly Maori boys, some possibly gang prospects) while they were out.
Because of one smart ass punk who started the unprovoked attack, it left my daughter and her friends, shaken and hurt. My daughter was not badly hurt but two of her male friends were indeed beaten quite badly, her female friend had a lucky escape as the gang moved in to sexually abuse her but she got away.
My daughter decided to go the police, but none of her other friends would. She discovered after talking to the police that the main trouble maker boy was already awaiting court sentence for other crimes. This worried my daughter a little and she decided perhaps it was not a good idea to stick her neck out, but the police decided to press chargers against the boy anyway.
Because my daughter was witness to the fight that took place that injured 2 boys, this meant she needed to testify in court whether she wanted to or not. (When you think you are doing the right thing, sometimes it is not in your best interests) just saying.
My daughter had some months earlier, been the victim of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Her and four of her friends were attacked by 13 other teenagers (mostly Maori boys, some possibly gang prospects) while they were out.
Because of one smart ass punk who started the unprovoked attack, it left my daughter and her friends, shaken and hurt. My daughter was not badly hurt but two of her male friends were indeed beaten quite badly, her female friend had a lucky escape as the gang moved in to sexually abuse her but she got away.
My daughter decided to go the police, but none of her other friends would. She discovered after talking to the police that the main trouble maker boy was already awaiting court sentence for other crimes. This worried my daughter a little and she decided perhaps it was not a good idea to stick her neck out, but the police decided to press chargers against the boy anyway.
Because my daughter was witness to the fight that took place that injured 2 boys, this meant she needed to testify in court whether she wanted to or not. (When you think you are doing the right thing, sometimes it is not in your best interests) just saying.
Withdrawn.
We live in New Zealand, land of the Long White Cloud, Aotearoa, Well it was no longer a white cloud hanging over our house, not at all, it was more like some nuclear fallout floating over head.
When I received the phone call to pick up my daughter at school, I knew this was not good news.
I saw her frightened face and trembling body standing inside the school office, I hardly recognised her, the terror on her face is something I will never forget.
I got her home and after some time my daughter reluctantly vocalised to me what these students said they were going to do to her.
- Because she had gone to the police to report the attack they said
- She was now targeted for a body bag.
- They went on to tell her she was going to become ground mince.
- They were going to grind her face into the concrete so that it was unrecognisable.
- They were going to see to it, that she would pay for narking on one of their mates.
- She would never nark again, ever, because she would be dead.
When I went to the police they too were not interested in listening or taking seriously that my daughter was in danger. They told me that everything would be fine, these young people were just letting off steam. Indeed they were known trouble makers, but they would back off soon.
Back off.
It took 2 days to get my daughter to go back to school, and it took the cooperation of all my friends to see to it that someone was there to collect her after school. Two weeks had passed and though there had been some meek verbal abuse, she thought that she would be fine to walk home as things were quiet and nobody had attempted to attack her, so my daughter walked home with some of her friends.
The phone call came; my daughter was incoherent to speak properly so I quickly assumed something bad had happened.
On her way home from school a car load of youth (Maori) had attempted to run her to the ground, she was fortunate that she was quick in moving out of the way of the vehicle but one of her friends came off a little worse, got their foot run over. The car then crashed into the side of a church, into a fence and then proceeded to get away. The had all intentions of running her to the ground, they told her she was going to die.
Racism lives in New Zealand; Racism is evident in our schools without a doubt.
My daughter left school that day, she locked herself away for 3 months, I hated those people for what my daughter became:
- frightened
- paranoid
- unconfident.
- withdrawn
- vacant
- They sucked the life out of her
- They took the spark from her
- The inner beauty that always shined had gone
- They took away from her, her smile
- They took away her life,
She was still alive, but she had stopped living.
(You have no idea what that does to a parent) perhaps you do, all I can say is be there for your child. TO HELL AND BACK with them, don’t leave their side.
The intimidation continued even though she was not at school, the boys and girls involved in the harassment would wait at the end of the drive way, storking the place, intimidating my daughter just by their presents.
Strength.
This all happened when I was a parent on my own, as Chris my husband had been transferred overseas for a while. I can honestly say for a woman I grew the largest of balls. I was so filled with anger that all I feed on was adrenaline.
I was on a mission to protect my daughter no matter what. This whole issue clearly become a racist issue as our daughter was a white nark, they had made that quite clear. The gang affiliations became clear, these young people (most of which had been kicked out of school) were looking for trouble where ever they could find it.
These people were spying on our home, cars were parked just down the road from our driveway, one night we saw someone outside our daughters bedroom window as she was going to bed. The police refused to help, as nothing had happened to justify their involvement. (no one had been physically, seriously hurt) even though they had tried to run her over.
You listen for every sound, when you go to bed because life depends on it.
I wore my steel capped boots everywhere I went, I wore my steel capped boots to town, I drove around with a baseball bat in my car and also one at the front door. I sleep with a knife under my pillow.
This sounds pretty over the top, but no one was going to get near my daughter.
Determination.
Nothing or ANYONE was going to hurt my daughter, it really was that black and white (no pun intended).
The police could do nothing officially until my daughter had been hurt, but kindly off the record one police officer offered me advice on what my daughter and I should do, if the unspeakable arose and they did in fact get into our home.
My opportunity arose.
I saw these people walking down the street one day, I jumped out of my car and I approached them, I couldn’t help but have some serious words with them, (I was 8 feet tall and made of steel).
It was surreal, like it wasn’t me. I stopped these people and told them to stay away from my daughter if they continued to harass my daughter they would come off second best, I promised them I would make sure of that.
I felt empowered like something gave me strength, I put the cards straight on the table and threatened them with their own medicine, and I meant every word.
At that moment a police officer came out of the shop, he had been in getting a hair cut, he had overheard the whole threat. He stood there at the doorway of the barber, arms folded, I knew I could well have been arrested but he saw fit not to. The group of people walked off in a hurry. Later that day I got a call to come to the police station. The office whom had overheard my threats in the street sat me down. "I could have arrested you then and there in the street" he said, "I don't know whether you were brave or stupid. Rhonda you could well have just called their bluff, or you could have created world war 3 for your family, I hope you know what you are doing."
I looked at him and said only one thing. “I have come to you over and over asking for some sort of help but you refuse to do anything because my daughter has not been physically assaulted yet. I will not sit around and wait for my child to be delivered in a body bag, I will do anything necessary to keep my daughter safe, you left me with no choice” I got up and went to walk out the door, the officer said to me "Good luck, I hope this ends well."
Recovery.
If ever my daughter and I had a reason to have suffered PTSD it was then.
When one of your family members life is being threatened it is certainly frightening, be it just by some snot nosed teenagers it makes no difference, it was still real.
These teenagers didn’t care about anyone or anything. When they tried to run my daughter over in their car, that showed me what kind of people we were dealing with, and how far they were prepared to go to keep my daughter from testifying in court.
From a girl who was doing well at school who had the marks to achieve well in the year, all gone…all gone because of some smart ass punk who got his thrills out of terrorising others.
He knew the law well enough to know there was nothing the police could really do because he was still a youth, he was still too young to be put in jail.
A Year Later:
It’s a year ago now that all this happened and I am very proud to say my daughter has left the incident behind her and has grown into a strong, confident young lady.
The days of baseball bats at the front door and a knife under my pillow to protect my daughter have gone, and I can only hope the memories fade quickly.
This incident left such an impact on myself as a parent, It took a lot of soul searching to let this one go, and move through the anger I had felt. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, when your children are threatened it's a parents worse nightmare.
This article is for my daughter, she showed all of us that in the depth of despair and in the mist of losing yourself in fear, love does prevail and strength does certainly come from within. I love you, you are an inspiration to me every day xxx.
Time has moved on.
What have I learnt here? When Racism Hits Home.
I learnt, it doesn’t matter what colour you are, if you are a bully, YOU ARE A BULLY.
